Format: ARC, eBook
Dave Kindred, who worked as a sports reporter, wrote this book about the death of his grandson. It is a memoir about addiction, the stories we tell ourselves, the stories others tell us, the stories we choose to believe and grief. In his Author’s note he writes “I have never written anything more true than this book. I have also never written anything in which I was less certain of the facts.” That is because of the unreliability of those who spent time with his grandson Jared. But he shares that he believes that they told the truth as they knew it. He provides their names and dates when applicable.
“Some people don’t choose to be homeless, but all train riders chose trains.”
Jared Kindred left home when he was eighteen years old. He wandered around and traveled all over America on freight train cars and lived on the streets when now riding the rails. He named himself Goblin and made close connections to those he met riding the rails. Jared was an alcoholic and did not tell the entire truth to those who loved him.
“The mistake we make with addicts is thinking they have any kind of logic.”
Jared’s family did not understand his life choices. Naturally, they were extremely difficult for them. Jared’s mother was not happy with tattoo on his face. She was scared for her child and once asked him did he want to be buried or cremated to scare him into going to yet another rehab. Like me, she along with his other family members did not know that were still train hoppers a.k.a traveling kids, and that they were mainly made up of teenagers and young adults.
“Look at them. Look past the dirt and the tattoos, and look past the scars of their lives, those real and those no less real for being unseen. Look again. See them. Really see them. They are our brothers and sisters, our sons and daughters, our grandchildren. They are us…”
Dave Kindred tells of his love for his grandson. He also lays bard how he does not feel that he himself was the best father, he admits his regrets with his own son, he is honest that his love for his twin grandsons, Jared and Jacob were stronger than his love for others in his life.
“Some memories break your heart into so many pieces that those pieces float in the bloodstream to your brain and force everything else out.”
He also shows the way addiction affects not only those who are addicts, but on family members as well. He shares that even though Jared/Goblin was hospitalized multiple times, that he still drank. He shows the grip that addiction holds on someone.
“Sometimes we believe what we want to believe rather than what is believable, and I wanted to believe Jared could be an exception, that he could tell me the truth, and maybe he did tell me the truth. But I learned he didn’t tell me the whole truth.”
I found this to be an unputdownable memoir full of honest admission, pain. love and grief. I liked how he spoke to those who were train hoppers with him and to those who he sang with in New Orleans. Dave Kindred included the memories of Goblin/Jared’s friends and fellow traveling kids, their stories, and phone texts when he could. He showed the kinship between his grandson and the other traveling kids. He also shares how those he rode the rails with came from Maine, Illinois, Florida, North Carolina, New Orleans, California and Indiana to attend Jared’s funeral. How one sang outside at his funeral. How they shared pictures of Jared with them riding trains, drinking and looking happy with his arms around them. They told the story of a happy young man who put his friends first, who was quick to smile and had his friends back. Throughout this book it is evident that Jared was deeply loved.
I found this to be a powerful and moving memoir. Dave Kindred laid bare his own flaws as well as the flaws of others in his family. He showed his love, his grief and choices. If you have ever been an addict or if you have ever loved someone who was/is an addict or lost a loved one due to addiction/overdose, you may find some things that you can relate to in this book.
Powerful, moving, heart breaking and informative. Highly recommend.
Thank you to Perseus Books and NetGalley who provided me with a copy of this book in exchange for an honest review. All the thoughts and opinions are my own.
