My Dark Vanessa

Dark, Disturbing, and at times Cringeworthy. My Dark Vanessa explores the psychological trauma that results from a “relationship” between a 15-year-old girl and her manipulative 42-year old teacher. The book is told in two-time lines – 2000 when Vanessa Wye is a fifteen-year-old student living at a boarding school. Mr. Strane is her 42-year-old teacher who gives her feedback on her writing and always seems to be around. I couldn’t help but cringe as he began grooming and manipulating her. In 2017, Vanessa works at a hotel and meets up with Strane at a coffee shop. He has been accused of sexually abusing a former student.

I don’t want to divulge much more. What I will say that this is a dark and disturbing book that shows the long terms effects of abuse. Vanessa believes she was in love and her teacher was in love with her. She has been to therapy but doesn’t divulge her past relationship until another student posts about abuse from Strane on Facebook and Vanessa is contacted by a journalist. As a reader, we see the manipulation, the grooming, the emotional abuse, the twisting of words, and the use of power. We view Vanessa’s struggle in her life, the negative effect the abuse has, and had on her past and present relationships. She wants to cling to the idea that this was love because if it wasn’t then what does it say about her, her life, her self-image? She broke my heart. What will it mean to her if she faces/accepts the truth?

This book is not meant to be an easy read. It’s dark and disturbing. The author notes that this book is not about her, but it does have an autobiographical feel to it. I thought she did a good job of showing the effects of abuse.

This book will have triggers for some. For some, you will want to take a bat to Strane’s knees (or other body parts) and give Vanessa a hug. This was a well-written debut that is a thought-provoking, raw, powerful view on the aftermath of abuse. There is a lot of food for thought here and would make a very good book club book.